


Not Again

by EclecticIsMyMiddleName



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Animal Death, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Faye Yeager - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, Other, Pre-Canon, Running Away, there's a little bit of humor sprinkled throughout to make the angst a little more bearable, this happens before the Jaeger family takes in Mikasa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 01:37:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14250276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EclecticIsMyMiddleName/pseuds/EclecticIsMyMiddleName
Summary: Grisha wakes up in the middle of the night and knows in his gut that something is not right. His suspicions are confirmed when he sees a farewell note from Eren in his son's bedroom. Can he find him before someone - or something - else does first?





	Not Again

Grisha opened his eyes to the darkness of his bedroom.  
  
His insides were cold as ice, and he instinctively knew fear was behind the sinking feeling in his gut.  
  
Something was wrong.  
  
Sitting up, he grabbed his glasses and put them on before getting dressed. As he dressed, every noise he made had him glancing over at Carla's sleeping form. Carla slept on, oblivious to the panic rising in her husband.  
  
_It could be nothing,_ he reasoned as he turned the doorknob as quiet as he could. He tensed when the door creaked open, but when he snapped his attention over to Carla, his wife hadn't stirred. _I hope to God I'm just being paranoid._  
  
He crept to his son's room, his heart hammering harder with every step. As he opened the door, dread curled around his throat as he heard no sounds of life within Eren's room. The gentle snores and rhythmic breathing that usually came from his son were missing. The sinking feeling in his gut worsened when he saw the empty bed.  
  
"No," he muttered under his breath, opening the door all the way and staggering to the bed. "Oh, no. No, no, no." Grisha's eyes widened as he spied a piece of paper folded on Eren's bedspread. His hand trembled as he picked up the note his son had left.  
  
The note had been torn out of a book, and Eren had written in his sloppy, scribbling handwriting:  
  
_I'm sorry to leave you._  
  
_But I'm going to see the outside world._  
  
Heart hammering in his chest, Grisha stuffed the note in his pocket and rushed to the front door. In his haste, he barely remembered to grab a lantern and his knife.  
  
He entered the stable near their house where he kept the wagon he used for house calls.  
  
_I could take the wagon, in case he's injured and can't ride a horse,_ he thought, then shook his head. _Prepping the wagon will take too much time._ He chose the first horse in the stable - a dark brown mare and the fastest horse in the stable - and grabbed her saddle. His hands shook as he readied the saddle and hopped on. He gripped the reins so hard that his knuckles turned white.  
  
"Hyah!" he shouted as he snapped the reins. The horse whinnied and dashed for the doors, bursting through them with a loud _bang._  
  
His throat tightened and tears pricked his eyes at the growing realization that he had _no idea_ where to begin looking for Eren.  
  
_The gate!_ he remembered, maneuvering the reins to turn the mare's direction sharply. _He's going to try to slip through the gate! That_ has _to be where he is!_  
  
He rode towards the gate, his heart pounding in time with the horse's hooves beating on the ground. Despite wearing his glasses, the wind still stung his eyes and blew his hair away from his face.  
  
At this late hour, only the drinkers were still out, and more than a few drunks gave him funny looks as he rode past them. He saw a familiar blond man stagger out of a tavern and he brought the horse to a halt.  
  
"Hannes!" he shouted, walking the mare up to his inebriated friend. "Have you seen Eren?"  
  
Hannes looked up at him, his movements slowed by alcohol. Pleasant surprise crossed his face and he gave Grisha a crooked grin.  
  
"Grisha!" he greeted, holding his arms out wide in welcome. One hand was flat with an open palm while the other was holding a bottle of whiskey. "Looking for a late night drink? I know a guy that can hook you up real nice!"  
  
As Hannes laughed, Grisha's patience grew thin.  
  
"I don't have time for this!" he snapped. The horse reflected his impatience with her shuffling hooves. "Have you seen Eren?! He ran away and I have to find him before he gets hurt! Or worse!"  
  
Reality dawned on Hannes' face and his grin disappeared. "Oh, I-I see. This is serious." His expression sobered as he furrowed his brows and tapped his chin. "Let's see. I think I saw a kid come through here? Maybe an hour ago?"  
  
"Which way did he go?!"  
  
"Uh, that way?" Hannes guessed, pointing towards the countryside. Woods dotted the countryside. Everyone in town knew to stay away from them, especially at night. Despite humans colonizing wild territory, feral animals still lived in those woods. "Kid wanted to escape, saying something about The Walls bein' a pen."  
  
"That sounds like Eren," Grisha remarked dryly.  
  
Hannes shrugged. "When we threatened to arrest him for trying to illegally pass through the gate, he ran off. Said something about finding another way out of here. I tried to talk him out of it, I think." He scratched his head. "Stubborn little bastard ignored me, though."  
  
"Thank you!" Grisha said as he snapped the reins again. He tugged the reins and turned the mare around before racing off towards the woods.  
  
"Good luck, Grisha!" Hannes called, cupping his hand to his mouth to amplify the sound. "Go get 'im!"

* * *

  
It took Grisha almost an hour to reach the woods. Even when he pushed the mare as fast as she would go, every second it took him to reach the edge of the woods felt like a second too long.  
  
_What if I'm too late?!_ he thought, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat. _What if he's dead?! Please, God, don't let it be true! I can't lose another son!_  
  
A chill went down his spine as he approached the edge of the woods. Slowing the mare, he held his lantern out and squinted in the dim light. A pair of glowing yellow eyes stared back at him and he almost fell off his horse in shock.  
  
"The hell?!" he gasped as a wolf entered the lantern's light. The horse bucked, whinnying in alarm. Grisha held the reins so tightly, he felt his fingernails digging into his palm. Feeling himself losing balance, he pressed his knees into the horse's sides to keep from falling off. He cursed as the lantern slipped from his hand and crashed onto the ground. "Son of a bitch!"  
  
The wolf snarled and the mare took off into the woods. After a few minutes, Grisha glanced back but didn't see anything following them.  
  
"Easy, girl!" he shouted, tugging on the reins. The horse gradually slowed down and he patted her neck. "Easy, easy. I don't think it followed us." He looked around, but sighed as he knew it was a fruitless effort. Without the lantern, he was plunged into darkness. The only light to guide him was the light of the moon just visible through the breaks in the leaves.  
  
_Great, this is just great,_ he thought, feeling defeat dampening his spirits. Looking around to get his bearings, his attention was caught by a patch of ground illuminated by the moonlight. Jumping to the ground, he crouched and inspected the indentation in the dirt. _Footprints?_ He followed the trail with his eyes and felt hope rekindle in him. _Eren! He must have gone this way!_  
  
Taking the reins in his hands, he led the horse on foot as he kept his eyes fixed at the trail. After a few minutes, another chill ran down his spine as he felt a pair of eyes on him again. His blood ran cold as growling reached his ears. The mare grew restless, shuffling her hooves as the growling inched closer.  
  
Grisha glanced behind him and saw more wolves creeping out of the shadows. Adrenaline pumped in his veins as he hopped onto the saddle and snapped the reins. "Let's go!"  
  
The horse took off again, her breath coming in heavy pants as she tried to outrun the predators. The growling sound grew dangerously close and he urged the horse to go faster.  
  
_I can't die now!_ he thought in a panic. _I have to find my son!_  
  
Without warning, the trees broke away into a clearing. A small body was curled up by a tree, laying still and unmoving. Wolves were closing in on all sides and pain stabbed Grisha in the heart as a sudden memory surfaced.  
  
A small body curled up on the street.  
  
Dogs closing in on a helpless child.  
  
A little girl about Eren's age holding her arms up in defense.  
  
_Faye..._  
  
"Not this time!" he growled, barely bringing the horse to a halt before jumping to the ground. _"Not again!"_ He whipped out the knife he carried and plunged it into his palm.  
  
A thunderous sound accompanied a blinding flash of light.  
  
The sound woke Eren in an instant, his hands flying to cover his ears. "What the hell?!" He tried to open his eyes but the light was too strong. Squeezing his eyes shut, he curled around himself tighter.  
  
The horse had whinnied in fright and fled the area as soon as the knife had sliced through Grisha's hand. A few pack members made a halfhearted attempt to chase her, but the subsequent flash of light stopped them in their tracks. Most of the pack fled at the explosion, but a few stayed behind, unwilling to give up their prey.  
  
The smoke cleared and Grisha stood above the wolves, towering over them in his titan form. His eyes glowed green and eerie in the darkness of the night. Steam rose off his newly-formed body, and a roar erupted from his giant maw.  
  
Any remaining wolves bolted at the deafening sound.  
  
_I know these beasts,_ Grisha thought bitterly. _These creatures are no different than the ravenous wolves back in Marley; the ones that pretend to be human but prey on the weak, like my sister._ Once the pack was a good distance away, Grisha crouched above his son protectively. _They'll be back. Predators are always reluctant to give up prey._  
  
Sure enough, moments later the pack was returning. A few were bold enough to walk right up to Eren, but were quickly sent flying as Grisha knocked them away with the back of his hand. Out of the corner of his eyes, Grisha saw a few pack members trying to creep beneath his watchful gaze. He almost felt bad that they didn't run away fast enough. Almost.  
  
Clutching one of the wolves in his massive hands, he squeezed the life out of it and tossed the beast at the rest of its pack. With that, the pack seemed to decide this prey wasn't worth it and fled deeper into the woods.  
  
"Oh, God!" Eren whimpered, his breathing near hyperventilation. "This isn't happening!" Grisha's pointed ears perked at his son's voice and he glanced down. "This has to be a dream!"  
  
_Is he hurt?!_ Grisha wondered, bending down to get a closer look at his son. _Did they hurt him?!_ Aware of his size as a titan, he inched his open hand towards Eren so as not to frighten him more.  
  
"No! Please, I don't wanna die like this!" Eren cried, hugging himself as tears flowed freely down his cheeks. "Please be a dream!"  
  
His chest tightened as his son's fear almost broke his heart. _Of course he's scared of me. I must be a frightening sight._  
  
Being a shifter made it easier to forget most humans couldn't go toe-to-toe with titans. Eren's desperate fear made reality crash down on Grisha all over again.  
  
A deep rumble came from his chest, a soothing sound like the purr of a cat. The effect was instant and Eren's surmounting fear was brought to a halt. He'd never heard of a titan making _that_ noise before.  
  
Eren's fear mixed with curiosity as he snapped his head up. His eyes were wide as dinner plates as Grisha extended a hand towards him. Frozen to the spot, Eren felt his mouth go dry as the tip of Grisha's index finger brushed his head, ruffling his hair. Going slack-jawed, he tried to form words but none came.  
  
Grisha couldn't suppress his amusement at seeing his son so speechless. His son was never one to hide his emotions, and always said what was on his mind. Seeing him absolutely dumbfounded and unable to think of a coherent thing to say was a rare sight.  
  
Another rumble came from Grisha's chest, the sound resembling a chuckle, and Eren blinked in surprise. A perplexed look crossed his face seconds before his eyes rolled back in his head and he fainted.  
  
_Must have been too much for him to take in at once,_ Grisha thought, an amused smile still tugging at his lips. His smile faded when he remembered Eren wasn't out of danger yet. _He won't be out long. I should get him back to safety before he wakes up. I can cover more ground in this form and reach the edge of the woods before he wakes, if I hurry. I can't risk him running off again._  
  
He picked Eren up as if he were made of glass and cradled him in his palm. His titan form granted him heightened eyesight, both during the day and night. Using his sharpened eyesight, Grisha looked his son up and down. Using his index finger and thumb, he gingerly moved Eren's arms and legs to check for breaks.  
  
_Nothing broken, just a little scraped up,_ he concluded, sighing through his nose as relief flooded him. _You reckless boy! You've scared me half to death. What am I going to do with you?_ He used the pad of his thumb to ruffle Eren's hair, stroking his head affectionately. _Let's get you home._  
  
Getting to his feet, the ground beneath him shook as he walked to the edge of the woods. Just before the line of trees ended, he knelt down and laid Eren at the base of a tree. He made sure his titan body would be hidden before he opened the nape of the neck. The cool night air clashed with the heated steam rising from the nape of his titan body and he shivered. Bracing himself, he began pulling himself free. No matter how many times he used this form, he never got used to leaving it. As he freed himself from his titan body, his stomach twisted at the sickening sound of tendon and muscle snapping.  
  
After jumping to the ground, he wiped the sweat from his brow and ran his hands through hair, smoothing it back in place. As he adjusted his glasses, Eren's hoarse voice caught his attention.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Eren! Son!" Grisha exclaimed, kneeling at his side in an instant. "Everything's going to be okay now, son. I've found you."  
  
"Dad?" Eren said, his brow furrowing before alarm crossed his expression. He bolted upright and grabbed his father's coat. "Dad! There's a titan around! It's not safe to be here! There's been a breach! We gotta-" His words faltered as Grisha placed his hands on his shoulders.  
  
"You must have been dreaming, Eren," he said evenly. "There's not a titan for miles."  
  
"But there was!" Eren protested, his face scrunching up as his temper flared. "I saw it! It tried to grab me! I _know_ it was real!"  
  
"Eren-" Grisha began, but Eren cut him off.  
  
"I know you don't believe me!" Eren snapped, angry tears welling in his eyes. He brushed them away roughly with the heel of his hand. "I know I sound like a scared little kid! But I wouldn't lie about this!"  
  
"Son, I-"  
  
"It didn't even try to eat me!" Eren interrupted, looking down at his lap. His eyebrows knitted together and he raked a hand through his hair. "What does that even mean?! Are there things we don't know about the titans?! How did this one even get in?! I just don't-"  
  
"Eren, enough arguing!" Grisha said, his tone stern as he gave Eren's shoulders a firm squeeze to let him know it was time to relent. "It's been a very long night for both of us. Right now, we need to get you home." His tone softened as he straightened the scarf Eren wore around his neck. "You're mother is going to kill you if she wakes up and finds you missing."  
  
Defeated, Eren sighed and hung his head. His shoulders slumped as he said, "Yes, sir." Grisha saw fresh tears brimming in his son's teal eyes as Eren glanced up at him. Without warning, Eren flung himself at his father and wrapped his arms around him tight. His fingers clung to the fabric of Grisha's coat as he buried his face in father's chest. "I'm sorry, Dad. Please, don't hate me."  
  
_Is that what he thinks?_ Grisha wondered, feeling his heart break and a surge of anger at himself. _How could I have led him to believe I'd ever hate him?_ He focused on hugging his son back as tight as he could to stem the sudden flow of memories. _Not again. I won't let another son hate me._  
  
"It's okay, Eren," he said, patting Eren's back as he started to sob. "I know it was scary, but it's over now." He pressed a kiss to the top of Eren's head. "I could never hate you. Never."  
  
"Never?" Eren asked, sniffling. "Even though I'm just a scared little kid?"  
  
"Even then," Grisha assured him, pulling back to look him in the face. Eren stared up at him, the edges of his eyes red and puffy. His nose was red and his skin was blotchy from the tears. Grisha absentmindedly smoothed down Eren's hair as he said, "Son, it's okay to be scared. It doesn't make you weak. It's fighting even when you're scared that makes you strong."  
  
Eren nodded before collapsing against his father again. "I wanna go home."  
  
"Then let's go home, son," Grisha said, bringing his fingers to his lips and whistling for the horse. To his relief, the mare found her way back to the clearing in minutes. He signaled for her to kneel and she obeyed. Placing his hands under Eren's arms, he lifted him onto the saddle, then climbed on behind him. Grabbing the reins, he tugged on them and said, "Up!"  
  
The mare got to her feet and headed for town. As they rode home, Eren leaned back against his father, falling asleep in minutes.

* * *

  
Dawn arrived as Grisha was leading the mare to the stable. Once inside, he hopped down and pulled Eren off the saddle. Eren stood on wobbly legs, swaying and barely able to keep his eyes open.  
  
Eren rubbed his eyes and yawned. "Are we home now?"  
  
"We're home," Grisha replied, closing the door on the mare's stall.  
  
"Oh, thank goodness!" came a voice from the stable doors. Grisha looked over and saw his wife holding her hand to her heart. "You two are home!" Her eyebrows furrowed and her brown eyes filled with fire, her expression changing from relieved to furious in seconds.  
  
Suddenly alert, Eren hid behind Grisha. "Uh-oh!"  
  
"Now where the hell have you two been?!" she shouted as she stomped over to them. "I have been worrying over you two all night!"  
  
"Now, dear, I can explain-" Grisha began, tensing beneath his wife's intense glare. She put her hands on her hips and looked at him expectantly. Her mouth was a hard line as she pressed her lips together.  
  
"When I woke up during the night, Eren was missing-"  
  
"And you didn't think to tell me?!" Carla demanded, angry tears pooling in her eyes. She wiped them away roughly as she continued, "I'm his goddamn _mother!"_  
  
"Carla, please watch your language in front of-"  
  
"I have a right to know when my son has disappeared!" she shouted, ignoring his interruption. She gestured to herself and bared her teeth in a grimace as she tried not to cry. "I should have been out there looking with you!"  
  
"Mother, please," Eren piped up, peering out from behind his father. His eyes were wide and his lower lip trembled. "Please don't be mad at Dad. He just wanted to find me as soon as possible." Some of the anxiety in him at seeing his mother so distraught ebbed as Grisha reached down and ruffled his hair. "I shouldn't have run off like that. I'm sorry."  
  
Carla wanted to hang on to her fury, but seeing her son and husband looking at her with guilt in their eyes made it impossible. With a tired sigh, she closed her eyes and slumped her shoulders.  
  
"Okay. It's okay," she said, her voice calmer but weary. "I need to talk with your father alone, Eren. Go back to the house." She held a hand up, her index finger extended and her tone firm as she added, "And nowhere else first, understand?"  
  
Eren nodded. He started to let go, then hesitated and looked up at his father.  
  
"It's okay, Eren," Grisha said gently. "Go on. Let your mother and I talk."  
  
Eren let go and made his way to the doors. Carla ruffled his hair on his way out and watched him leave. Once she and her husband were alone, she rounded on Grisha.  
  
"Why didn't you wake me when you saw he was gone?" she asked, keeping her voice even while the fury in her eyes returned.  
  
"I would've, but I had to start looking immediately," he explained. "Both of us getting ready might have taken too long."  
  
Carla groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose. "You don't get it. Would having me join you _really_ have sacrificed that much time that you couldn't bother to wake me?" Grisha opened his mouth to reply, but no words came to mind. Her voice cracked as she blinked back tears and added, "I know you hold things back from me. I know there are things you aren't telling me. But when it comes to _our son,_ you'd better tell me _everything,_ goddammit!"  
  
Guilt churned inside him, and for a moment, he gave serious thought to telling her everything.  
  
_She's right,_ he thought. _Not just about our son, but about me. There's so much I haven't told her._ The truth rose up inside him and words formed on his tongue, but died a second later. _I can't. She'd never trust me again, if she even believed me. I know my mission comes first, but I can't lose her. I can't lose another wife. I can't lose another family._  
  
Finding his voice, he sighed and said at last, "I didn't want to worry you."  
  
Carla's eyes filled with tears again and she closed the distance between them. "Grisha, I'm a mother. It's my _job_ to worry." She wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder. "We're supposed to be a team, but you left me alone this time. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"  
  
"I'm so sorry, dear," Grisha replied, returning her embrace and holding her closer. "I shouldn't have left you in the dark, but I didn't want to make you worry. You worry so much already." He pulled back and brought his gaze to hers. "Now I see that leaving you behind only caused you more grief." His hand came up and cupped her cheek. "Please, forgive me."  
  
Carla leaned into his touch and closed her eyes to stem the flow of tears in her eyes. When she opened them again, a sad smile crept onto her lips. "Of course I forgive you. I love you." Her smile became mischievous as she added, "But pull that again, and I swear, Grisha Jaeger, I _will_ kick your ass!"  
  
"I'll probably deserve it," he joked, laughing along with her. He stooped down to rest his forehead against hers. "I love you, too."  
  
"Why can't I stay mad at you?" Carla asked as her smile grew wider. She giggled as he locked his arms around her waist and straightened his back, lifting her off the ground.  
  
"I'm not sure, but I'm not fool enough to question it at this point," he replied before closing his eyes and pressing his lips to hers. Carla wrapped her arms around his neck as she kissed him back.  
  
"Ick!" came a voice from behind them. They broke apart and glanced at the doors. Realizing he'd been spotted, Eren gasped and ducked out of sight.  
  
"Eren Jaeger! Don't spy on people!" Carla reprimanded, her smile betraying her amusement. Grisha put her down and covered his mouth with the back of his hand to stifle his laughter. Carla shook her head as she turned back to her husband. "What are we going to do with him?"  
  
"We could punish him with more chores?" he suggested, his humor quickly fading. "But I think he learned his lesson after what happened in the forest."  
  
"What happened in the forest?" Carla asked, her guard back up.  
  
"I'll tell you after breakfast," he replied, taking her hand and lacing their fingers together. "C'mon, I'll cook."  
  
"You? Who's the housewife here?" Carla joked, the tension leaving her as she let her husband lead her back to the house. "Besides, you're probably exhausted after being awake all night. I'll cook."  
  
"It's the least I could do after making you worry," he protested. "Let me cook."  
  
"Why don't you both just cook?!" came Eren's voice from the window of their house. He leaned out the window and rolled his eyes. "God, you two are so weird!"  
  
After Eren ducked back into the house, Carla bumped her shoulder against Grisha's. "I'll make breakfast." She grabbed him by the collar and yanked him down so she could whisper in his ear. "I'll let you make it up to me later for making me worry last night."  
  
Grisha's face turned red and he cleared his throat. "C-Carla!"

**Author's Note:**

> I have a twitter if you wanna go follow me there! :)  
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/EclecticWrites   
> My handle is @EclecticWrites.


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